"Just wait" people

Sorry for not writing earlier - our house has been suffering from a nasty bout of the stomach flu.

At hubby's birthday party over the weekend it just happened that three of the female guests were in the early stages of pregnancy (clearly I've reached that age where all you peers start sprouting). Conversation of course focused on morning sickness, heartburn, sciatica, sleeping and all the other joys of pregnancy. Anyway it reminded me of one of the things (and there were many. Maaany many many. So many I should probably start a new blog for them...) that really put my back up during pregnancy and still does now that I'm a parent. It's the "just wait" person.
5 week pregnant me: I haven't had any morning sickness. Maybe I won't get it. I'm pretty resilient to stomach issues.
JW person responds: oh JUST WAIT until week 7. Then it really kicks in. You think you are DYING. Mine was so bad I threw up at *insert inappropriate location* and it went on and on for the full pregnancy blah blah.
How is this information useful to me at 5 weeks?

Me at 6 months: oh my god I'm so fat I've put on 20kgs already and I'm only 2/3 of the way there
JW person: JUST WAIT until the last trimester. I put on ALL my pregnancy weight then (yah all 12 kgs you smug bitch f&ck off)
Listen - I KNOW I'm huge. Telling me I am going to get MORE huge is not helping anyone here!

And my favourite, when James was 10 days old, we wrapped him up warmly, popped him in his babysense pouch and floated off to a friend's birthday party. Warmed by the glow of new parenthood we gazed adoringly as one combined family unit at our bundle of joy and informed the guests that he slept like an angel with 6 hours between feeds.
But of course: JUST WAIT until the 3 week mark. All babies sleep for the first 2 weeks and then the proverbial (and actual) poo really hits the fan and you can kiss the idea of more than 90 minutes of sleep goodbye.

Why would you share this? What possible benefit could I derive from knowing life is about to go (more) pear shaped?

What kind of sicko people are we that we feel the need to torture our friends and family members with the horrors to come? Is it payback? Like the way I march up to students in shopping centres wearing my old high school uniform with no blazer? Ok I don't actually but I really really reeeeally want to...

So to all you pregnant people out there, here are my 3 top tips:
1. Get laser in hospital if you're breastfeeding (no disrespect if you aren't though. Whatever works for you is great.)
2. If it ain't broke, don't fix it - if baby wants/doesn't want a dummy, will/won't breastfeed, sleeps 20 mins / 2 hours at a time and is happy and healthy leave it and baby the fek alone! And
3. Always remember "this too shall pass"